Hey! Ever wondered why Ice Climbers aren't in Super Smash Bros. 4?
Well one day I was on my Windows Hyper-Realistic edition computer, looking for a copy of Super Smash Bros. Melee on eBay, when I found a copy for $6.66! I saw it and thought "WOW IS SUCH GOOD DEALS" and bought it! But when I confirmed my purchase, an error box popped up saying "You shouldn't have done that" and then Hyper-realistic blood came bursting out of my computer screen! Then I noticed that my background changed to a picture of the Ice Climbers, except they had hyper-realistic eyes and were covered in hyper-realistic blood, and they seemed to have a sad expression on their face. I passed it off as a minor glitch and shut down my computer.
666 yoctoseconds later, my copy arrived in the mail. I was fuxxxing hyped! But I noticed that on the cover, instead of showing Mario, Link, Kirby and Pikachu, it just had a picture of the Ice Climbers, looking sad and hyper-realistic! So I booted up my dusty GameCube (DISCLAIMER: THE GAMECUBE AND SUPER SMASH BROS MELEE ARE PROPERTY OF NINTENDO! DON'T SUE ME PLZ!!!!) and started the game! The intro played as normal, except the music and animation were off and that makes it scary you guys and then the title screen showed up! But instead of the announcer shouting "SUPER SMASH BROTHERS... MELEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!", he shouted "STOP PLAYING THIS FUCKING GAME RIGHT NOW OR I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!!!!!!" and I was like "What the fuck?!" but I assumed it was just an audio glitch and pressed start!
The menu music was replaced with Andrew Gold's "Spooky Scary Skeletons" and it was really scary because "Spooky Scary Skeletons" is like a really fuxxxing scary song like seriously you guys and then I went to play the game! In the character select screen, I noticed that every character, except Ice Climbers, were replaced with Skeletons and were all called "666" and it was really scary so I picked Ice Climbers, but they were covered in hyper-realistic blood and had zalgo eyes and a sad expression! I assumed that this was all a result of a graphical glitch and continued in playing.
Did I mention that I was a huge fan of Super Smash Brothers?
So I went to play the game, and I was put in Final Destination, and I was up against 666 Spooky Skeletons and I was like "WTF Only 4 characters can fight at once!" but I assumed it was just another glitch! Then one of the skeletons punched me and it did 666% damage and killed me in one blow! Then I assumed... that this wasn't a glitched game... IT WAS A SUPR SCARY BOOTLEGED HAXXXOR SPOOKY SPOOKY GAEM.EXE!!!!
Instead of failing me right there, I was put up against Master Hand. Which was weird, because I dieded and should have gone back to the menu! But then I noticed that Master Hand had a knife and started stabbing the Ice Climbers, spraying Hyper-realistic blood everywhere! It was really scary and then the game said "YOUR NEXXXT!!!!!!!!111!!!!!" and then a Googolsexplex Skeletons popped out the gamecube and killed everyone in the omniverse!
This actually happened you guys I saw it with my own eyes! Ice Climbers aren't in smash 4 because they died in Melee! Why are they in Brawl you ask? Because fuck you that's why my totally true story has plotholes don't like don't read compliments only everyone must love me!